(no subject)

[worst_greatest_one]

I haven't labored over my clothes like this since Watford.

I don't have much money to spend on them, but I've brought home a nice enough pair of shirts, some trousers, and even some used Oxfords that still look nice. I haven't bought a tie, but I think that might be too much anyway. The truth is, I don't know. Agatha and I just sort of sprang into being as a couple.

I've never been on a date before.

I pull off the blue button-up and put it back on the bed. I forgot the undershirt anyway, but before I reach for it, I grab up the bottle of cologne. It's not bergamot and cedar - those are the only scents I could think of when the woman at the counter asked me, so I asked for something specifically not them. This bottle smells of a really fancy, clean forest, which should go well with the smokey smell that never quite leaves me.

I start to tip the bottle against my neck, then stop. Fuck, I forgot how much I'm meant to use.

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[worst_greatest_one]

"Fuck," I exhale as he clutches at his chest, "No, you're not." I scramble upright and look around for my wand, finally spying it on my bedstand. I grab it and point it at him.

"Get well soon!" I cast, trying to quell the thunder of my own racing heart. Baz can't be ill. He can't leave me here on my own.

[sidestepdestiny]

"Fuck, Snow," I bark, the force of his magic feeling like it's re-started my heart. It does seem to have stopped whatever it was that was happening in my chest, but it doesn't erase my confusion, and...

I run a hand through my hair, nostrils flared.

"Since when are you gay?" I just ask, since I'm not going to be able to stop thinking about it. I know I didn't hear him wrong. I know I heard Eric and him.

[worst_greatest_one]

"I'm not," I say, because I can't help arguing with him, even when I'm half convinced he's dying. He seems to be breathing easier, and I let my wand arm fall, half feeling like I want to keel over myself.

"I don't know what I am," I say after a minute. I seem to be saying that to a lot of people, but it's the truth. I cock my head and study him.

"Are you okay now?"

[sidestepdestiny]

I don't bother answering his question, I'm not dying, I was just taken by surprise. I haven't eaten, really eaten, since last night. That's all it is.

That's not what I care about.

I glance up at him, but my gaze returns to my knees. "But you...like him? A boy?" I ask, feeling like a right prat once the words have left my mouth, but it's too late to take them back.

[worst_greatest_one]

"Yeah," I answer, because that, at least, I don't need to think about. I like Bitty. I have from the start. "Is that a problem?" I ask, stomach suddenly bottoming out. Baz dislikes me for so many things - somehow it hadn't occurred to me this might be one of them.

[sidestepdestiny]

Snow likes a boy. He likes a boy, and it's not me. I know I've never given him a reason to, logically I do realize that, but it still hurts. I can't help that, there's no logic behind my emotions. I mean, it's not like he's ever given me a reason to like him and somehow I fucking fell in love with him anyway.

Fuck.

My throat feels too tight and there's a pressure behind my eyes, and I haven't answered his question.

"No," I say, and get up to return to my apartment, because everything is too much.