(no subject)

[worst_greatest_one]

I haven't labored over my clothes like this since Watford.

I don't have much money to spend on them, but I've brought home a nice enough pair of shirts, some trousers, and even some used Oxfords that still look nice. I haven't bought a tie, but I think that might be too much anyway. The truth is, I don't know. Agatha and I just sort of sprang into being as a couple.

I've never been on a date before.

I pull off the blue button-up and put it back on the bed. I forgot the undershirt anyway, but before I reach for it, I grab up the bottle of cologne. It's not bergamot and cedar - those are the only scents I could think of when the woman at the counter asked me, so I asked for something specifically not them. This bottle smells of a really fancy, clean forest, which should go well with the smokey smell that never quite leaves me.

I start to tip the bottle against my neck, then stop. Fuck, I forgot how much I'm meant to use.

Comments

[sidestepdestiny]

I think I must be depressed. I don't know how else to explain how I've fallen into watching hours of animal documentaries on the Discovery Channel day after day. There's nothing for me here. I looked into buying a violin, but they're far too expensive for the money I have, and I need that for rent and food. So I don't do anything. Except learn facts about animals. (A howler monkey can be heard from three miles away. Fascinating.)

Speaking of loud animals, I can hear Snow banging around his side of the apartment, but I don't pay it much mind until I smell something...perfume-y?

"What's that smell?" I call over, sitting up.

[worst_greatest_one]

I hear Baz call to me over the sound of his telly. I can't believe how many nature programs he watches. I can't believe how many nature programs there are, and I'm suddenly thankful we didn't have a telly at Mummer's House. Penny would definitely have eclipsed him for top of our class.

"Um," I say, pulling the bottle back to read it. "Encounter."

[sidestepdestiny]

Sounds like a perfume of some kind. Crowley knows why Snow would want to wear something like that, especially at five at night.

"You've put too much on. It stinks," I snap. I'd spell my nose closed, but my wand is across the room and I don't have it in me to go fetch it.

[worst_greatest_one]

I scowl, but I don't argue. If he can smell it all the way over there, it's definitely too strong. I curse and walk to the bathroom, wetting a cloth to drag across my throat.

"How much then?" I ask, swiping the cotton against my skin. "They told me how many drops, but I didn't listen."

[sidestepdestiny]

I sigh and get out of bed, and cross over to Snow's bedroom. I don't see him, but it's easy enough to follow the scent of his cologne to the bathroom. He's standing at the sink with his back is to me. Shirtless. I stop short and look away, like the ceiling is suddenly fascinating.

"It doesn't have a spray cap? Let me see it," I demand, holding a hand out, but still avoiding having to look at him.

[worst_greatest_one]

"Only the big one had that," I say, handing him the smaller bottle freely. Baz will insult me soon enough, I might as well get some advice from him on how to be posh, first. I turn and lean my hip against the sink.

"This just dribbles it out in bits."

[sidestepdestiny]

I step forward and take the bottle, glancing up through my lashes at the way Snow's leaning against the sink, then I glare back down at the cologne like it's the cologne's fault Snow looks so good. He's not wearing his cross and it leaves me defenseless.

I don't know why he's chosen to start wearing fragrances, but I can't let him walk around wearing too much because he doesn't know anything.

"Give me your wrist," I say, motioning it forward with my hand.

[worst_greatest_one]

"Doesn't it go on my neck?" I ask, but then I realise I'm asking a vampire to touch my throat, and I stick my wrist out with all haste.

"How much do you use?" I ask him, wondering why he looks particularly murderous, but it could just be the mention of my neck.

[sidestepdestiny]

"Subtlety is key, Snow," I say quietly, taking his wrist in hand and pressing the opening of the bottle to his pulse point. I turn his arm over in one quick motion, then right it and pull the bottle away. Without thinking, I look away from the bottle and at him.

"Rub your wrists together, and then touch them to the sides of your neck," I instruct, forcing myself to watch and make sure he does it properly.

[worst_greatest_one]

I frown, but I do as he says, vigorously rubbing my wrists together, then rubbing them against the sides of my neck. The woodsy scent wafts up, and it smells good, not as strong as before. I grin.

"That is better," I admit, staring at him a moment before I decide to press my luck. "Can you help me with a shirt?"

[sidestepdestiny]

I hand him back the bottle and make a face.

"Why do you need help with a shirt?" I ask, honestly so baffled that I can hardly produce a decent sneer. Mostly I keep looking at his neck. I'm trying to keep my gaze eye-level, but it's difficult.

[worst_greatest_one]

"I'm trying to look nice," I say, stepping around him to return to the bed where I've laid out the two shirts. Both are button-ups, one in blue and the other gray, but the blue one looks more formal somehow. It's got pearly buttons.

"Which is better?"

[sidestepdestiny]

"Why?" I ask, following. Maybe he's been asked to a party with one of those 'great blokes' he met. I try not to feel wounded that I wasn't invited.

We're always in gray at school, and the blue one will match his eyes, so I pick that one up and hand it to him without explanation. "This one. I assume you can put it on yourself, yeah?"

[sidestepdestiny]

Snow leaves, and I don't know what to do. Part of me wants to leave, make sure I'm not here when he gets back. But it's like my legs have turned to lead, because I don't move. The entire time he's gone I sit on my bed staring across the gap between our rooms. I'm not even thinking, I'm just...there.

I don't cry, at least there's that. And I don't punch a hole through the half wall like I'd like to.

Snow isn't gay, I tell myself. There's no way. He'll come back and realize it was a mistake, and everything will go back to the way it was. I'll still be miserable, but at least it'll be the miserable I'm used to.

I hear Snow unlocking his front door and I grab a book off my nightstand, flopping back on my bed and opening it up like I've been reading this whole time.

[worst_greatest_one]

I'm humming when I let myself back into my flat, my cheeks a little sore from the wind and all the smiling. After seeing Bitty off, I stopped at the corner and got myself a muffin for before bed, then got another one for Baz. He really has been too pale these days, even for him.

"You up?" I call, walking into the bedroom to see him on his own side, reading a book upside down. I frown at him. "Are you still feeling poorly?"

[sidestepdestiny]

I knew Snow couldn't just keep to his own room, he's always so damned nosy. Although I suppose there's also a part of me that wanted to find out how he'd be, after. I peek over the top of the book. He looks happy, bright-eyed, red cheeks, and I feel my heart sink so low I want to be sick.

"Leave me alone," I say, and my voice comes out all funny.

[worst_greatest_one]

"Your book's upside down, and your voice is wrecked," I tell him. "You've been out of sorts since we got here." My frown deepens, and I perch at the end of his bed. "I think you should see a doctor, Baz. For your leg, and for whatever else the numpties did to you."

[sidestepdestiny]

He's too close, and I just want him to leave. I can smell something new- that other boy, must be. I smack the book down on my mattress, and take a long moment before responding.

"I'm too tired to argue with you, and I'm not going to a Normal doctor," I say, and finally let myself look at him again. His hair is tousled and his eyes are all concerned like I'm so pathetic he's decided to take pity on me. I grit my teeth.

"Just because half the wall's missing doesn't mean it's an invitation for you to come in here, you know."

[worst_greatest_one]

He looks wretched. Tired and ill and sad, I think, enough that he can't even properly snarl at me. It's not a look I'm used to seeing on him, and I don't like it at all. "Is it your mum?" I ask, heedless that he very obviously wants me to leave. "Or something else?"

I scrub my fingers through my curls and wish, not for the first or the last time, that he wouldn't be so impossible. "Let me help you."

[sidestepdestiny]

"Crowley, Snow, can't you leave well enough alone?" I snap, exasperated. It's less heat and more pleading, and entirely embarrassing. Why won't he stop? Why can't he keep my mother out of it?

"I don't need your help. I don't need you," I tell him. My voice sounds harsh in its conviction, but it's me who needs convincing.

[worst_greatest_one]

"Okay," I say, equally exasperated, "Okay, but you've got me, and you need something." I stand up, but I feel like I'm looming, so I go over to where the wall ends instead. "I don't think we need to fight anymore all the time," I say in a much smaller voice.

Isn't he tired of it? He's tired of something.

[sidestepdestiny]

There are things I need. To avenge my mother. For Father to stop looking at me like I'm damaged. (And not because I'm a vampire.) Blood. Home. To stop feeling like this. I need to stop wanting Snow.

I get out of bed and look for a pair of pants that aren't sweats. I need to get out of this apartment.

"Why?" I ask without looking at him, pulling open a drawer and taking out a pair of jeans.

[worst_greatest_one]

"What do you mean, why?" I ask, confused as to why he's looking for clothes. "We're in Darrow. There's no Mage, there are no Old Families, so far there's no Humdrum - there's nothing anymore that says we have to be enemies."

I shrug. "Why can't we just stop fighting? Then I could help you.'

[sidestepdestiny]

I slam the drawer closed and walk over to Snow, folded jeans clutched in hand, and stop a few inches in front of him. I lock eyes with him, a challenge, just daring him to look away.

"And how are you going to help me, Snow?" I ask quietly. "What are you going to do?"

[worst_greatest_one]

"I don't know," I admit, swallowing nervously when he stops so close. He never gets this near to me unless he's about to shove me, but I don't think that's what this is. His voice is quiet, and his eyes aren't pinched. I'm not used to him being so close and calm.

"I don't know what's wrong with you. You've been ill since we got here, and it's worse tonight."