(no subject)

[worst_greatest_one]

I haven't labored over my clothes like this since Watford.

I don't have much money to spend on them, but I've brought home a nice enough pair of shirts, some trousers, and even some used Oxfords that still look nice. I haven't bought a tie, but I think that might be too much anyway. The truth is, I don't know. Agatha and I just sort of sprang into being as a couple.

I've never been on a date before.

I pull off the blue button-up and put it back on the bed. I forgot the undershirt anyway, but before I reach for it, I grab up the bottle of cologne. It's not bergamot and cedar - those are the only scents I could think of when the woman at the counter asked me, so I asked for something specifically not them. This bottle smells of a really fancy, clean forest, which should go well with the smokey smell that never quite leaves me.

I start to tip the bottle against my neck, then stop. Fuck, I forgot how much I'm meant to use.

Comments

[sidestepdestiny]

I watch him, and I mostly ignore what he says.

"Did you have a good date?" I ask, breathing in to get an idea for myself. Snow's cologne, still, his soap and shampoo (different from Watford's). Cocoa. That other boy. I can smell him on Snow's jacket.

[worst_greatest_one]

I'm not expecting the subject change, and I falter. "Yeah," I answer, a little disoriented by his mood swings, but the memory of kissing in the park comes back to me, and I smile. "I've never been on one until tonight, but it went really well."

[sidestepdestiny]

I had assumed as much from how he was when he'd come back, but I needed to hear it for myself. I nod and let myself take a good, long look at Snow - his messy, golden curls, his tawny, flushed skin, his blue eyes and pink, smiling mouth - and then tell myself that's it.

I'm done. I refuse to be in love with him any longer. There has to be a way to not be in love with someone, and I'm going to find it.

"That's good," I think I say, after I've finally looked away. I say something, but it doesn't matter. I step back into my bedroom and then walk out, to my bathroom to change with privacy.

[worst_greatest_one]

He's looking at me like he's never seen me before, careful, cataloging, and I have no idea what he wants. The smile slips from my face, and I watch in stunned silence when he turns away, goes to the bathroom on his side without ever once looking back.

Exhaling a breath, I shake my head, and only then do I remember the muffin. I leave it next to his bed and crawl into my own. Memories of the bench might actually give me good dreams tonight.